Sunday, 28 February 2010

TV Gushings: Pineapple Studios - The World's Greatest Spoofumentary, or I'll Eat My Purple Lycra Crop Top

"I'm going in now darling, and when I come out, I'm going to look ten!" Louis exclaims to an innocent passer-by outside the cosmetic surgery clinic, where he and his mother are waiting for their appointments. "No, foetal!" He is very excited.

Most documentaries about the everyday goings on in a real-life business are usually one of two things; either extremely boring, or cringeworthy to a skeleton shattering extreme. Pineapple Dance Studios is neither of these, and so much more. It is silly in a self-effacing way. It's camp in a pink neon cowboy hat on top of a greased up bemuscled construction worker way. It is hilarious, like watching a rotund man take a trip down some stairs to a tuba soundtrack. Most of all though, it is embarrassing to a brand new degree, way past an eating-your-own-fist anguish mark, previously unbeknown to science. It's got everything.

If you haven't already seen Pineapple (or as I will call it from now on P*D*S - it needs the stars to represents the oozing fabulousness), you may need a short introduction to its main characters. Here is my whirlwind meet-and-greet.

Andrew - A blonde Kavanah for the 21st century. Thinks he's going to "make it" but could easily be in his late thirties. Constantly worried he'll be upstaged by his dimpled and disinterested bandmate Rosalie.

Debbie - The owner and proprietor of P*D*S. The big boss lady, the head honcho, the ringleader and the one you've got to respect if you want to continue your dancing career. Pops in occasionally, whizzes about in limousines and generally seems to be doing various un-named Important Things.

Louis - Glorious pastiche of a man, Louis is either a brilliant actor or the most energetic camp man in the whole of London. The programme would not work without him. I love him so much I am making a screen printed t-shirt with his face on. With diamonds for eyes.

Tricia Walsh-Smith - Youtube "sensation" who divorced her husband on camera, or something. She's written a musical called Arm Candy, and is currently touring the gay scene to build up her fanbase. Another reason for the flatline-voiced narrator to come through with devastating irony.

As far as the characters go, they are perfect. I say characters, because P*D*S is just so funny and mortifying in such perfect distribution that it has to be completely scripted. It's Summer Heights High if Mr G was allowed free reign to an entire show. I refuse to believe that it is a real life working environment. It's not that I mind, I mean, as far as the programme is concerned it's an hour's worth of solid entertainment. Who cares if it's real or not? The best part is that there are tiny fantastical bits that pop up without much warning, and so you might be watching Debbie talk to the builders about the construction of the new offices, and then the next there will be a fully choreographed dance routine excecuted by P*D*S students in full fancy dress. It creates a hazy sort of reality, where everybody smiles and has perfect hair, and has just the right amount of filling for lycra bodysuits, and springs into a leaping split whenever Louis is out of earshot.

I have heard people dissing this show. I will have none of it. The TV equivalent of a pink discoball spinning in a room decorated in sparkly birthday present paper with the soundtrack to Little Shop of Horrors is nothing to scoff at. I love it, love it, love it, but if it isn't all a dupe I'll be very surprised. I'll also feel very bad for Andrew, because if he is real, a lot of people are going to laugh at him. Possibly throw eggs. Possibly hound him until his premature accidental death in a bathtub-keyboard-stupidity incident. Fingers crossed.


雪糕 said...
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Pinklilycat said...

Love it too. The largest stroke of genius though surely has to be securing Michael Buerk as the narrator... I can't believe he agreed yet it's the finest comedy performance I've ever heard!

Katie said...

I know, it's just amazing! I laugh every time he says "diva".

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