Thursday, 16 September 2010

How to tell if you are getting old.

There are some fail safe rules passed down through the generations to tell if you are far away from being a spring chicken.

Unless I am very much mistaken, since I apply to most of them, I should be at least 15 years older than I am. Expect this list to grow as I think of some more.

1. Policemen start looking too young to protect you against the stabby yoovs.

2. Hollyoaks has a cast consisting of people who speak a language you feel strangely removed from, and around 60% of whom appear so young that they should be doing their homework instead of cavorting around in short skirts/trilby hats.

3. Teenagers are irritating and terrifying in equal measures.

4. You catch yourself talking enthusiastically about the best duvet covers with people who are equally excited about the prospect of cheap egyptian cotton bedsheets, while at a music festival.

5. Drinking becomes enjoyable instead of a means to an end. Being sick at the end of the night becomes a waste of money.

6. You become genuinely concerned about under-dressed girls at the weekend because they might get cold. You also feel that they are wearing too much make-up, and hope they know how to use their shoes as weapons against rapists.

7. FINALLY, people you know are tired of talking about TV programmes they used to watch.

8. You lust after a gadget that actually does something useful.

9. The music in clubs is TOO LOUD WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHAT? YEAH! WHAT? OH FUck this I'm going for a cig.

10. Buying better pasta as a treat. You are buying better pasta as a TREAT. What are you doing?

1 comment:

Huw said...

Correct. Posh pasta would have sickened the young poor me. The jaded less-poor me considers normal pasta as a last resort.

1. 4.
There was an error in this gadget
Related Posts with Thumbnails