Thursday, 26 January 2012

Movie Review: Blitz

I recently got Netflix because I realised that I hadn't sat down and watched a film I hadn't already seen in roughly three years. The first film I chose to watch out of hundreds of options was "Blitz" - foolish, some of you might say, but I disagree. I love a Statham movie, the more stupid, the better. "Blitz" was particularly excellent because it was so silly I had a chance to make notes on it to write about it later 'for your enjoyment'.

The original article can be found on the Shouting At Cows website.

"Do I look like I carry a pencil?"

Jason Statham is a man of few characters. What he can do is jump, kick, hit things, mistime one-liners and occasionally wear a nice article of knitwear should the mood take him. In Blitz, all of these talents are taken into consideration and used to their fullest potential, in what I’d like to say is a fast-paced, gritty, urban British thriller, but what is, in fact, a great excuse to see Paddy Considine in a slim-fitting suit with some action sequences involving various household implements.

What needs to be understood here is that Blitz is an excellent Statham movie. If you like Statham (as I do) you know what this means, and therefore don’t mind that it’s sluggish, that whole areas of plot are just left fraying and unfinished, or that the narrative is so simple a dog with a paint-dipped toothbrush held gingerly between its front paws could have drawn a better set of character arcs on the pavement outside of Chicken Cottage. You’ll forgive all that because you don’t have any expectations, and simply hope it’ll be like Transporter 2 because in that one he knocks a guy out by swishing his jacket at his knees.

In Blitz, there is one theme, and that is that violence is cool and can solve everything. Obviously you already thought it was a bit cool, but no, it’s really cool. The main characters are Paddy Considine and Jason Statham, whose character names are not important as it literally does not matter even one single tiny bit. Considine plays a gay police chief who is promoted to the head of Statham’s department when Statham’s superior is placed on compassionate leave after his policewife is shot dead at point blank range. Statham is not given the position as he is on some sort of unexplained probationary kick for being incredibly angry at everything all the time, and beating up child car thieves with a hurley stick. It transpires that a lot of bobbies are being knocked off, so Considine and Statham have to work together to catch the killer BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE (before one of the characters you’ve been encouraged to empathise with is bludgeoned to death by a cunt in purple underpants).

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