Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Out of the Loop

Do you know how hard it is to get back into the loop of something you were barely in the loop of to start with? I'll tell you – it's really freaking hard.

I rely on my PC to work so that I can work. I feed it the occasional bit of memory here and there, it opens browser windows and files for me. It's a simple arrangement that has got us through our Great London Famine of Jan-March 2012, the incorporation of hashtags into the common parlance of the bantersaurus rex and the end of the world.

It was to my complete and total horror then that late one night in early December, my PC decided it had had enough of being my Wordpress slave and kicked it. I say “it”. It kicked my frivolous freelancing dream right in it's flabby, impotent ballsack.

All it takes in this precarious business is a couple of weeks of inactivity and your Klout score is fucked. Sure, you can tell yourself you'll update via your smartphone, but without the glare of a reproachfully empty word document open in your face, not a lot will get done. Go on, tell yourself this is the age of mobile devices. Try and write a thought provoking article on 90s RnB on your iPad. YOU CAN'T CAN YOU. YOU'RE JUST WATCHING HOMELAND AND LOOKING AT YOURSELF IN THE BLANK BLACK SCREEN WHEN IT LOCKS. This is what I'm saying. It is futile. You are fighting something you will never overcome.

I gave into this malaise for a bit. It felt sort of nice you know; a week or so off from my gmail account. I learned how to play “Hounds Of Love” on the guitar. I watched all of the original “Yes, Prime Minister” (recommended). I downloaded countless games on my phone thinking that I would “get back into” gaming. Because that's what real gamers do, they play Temple Run for 16 hours and never get a score higher than 46,240.

I stopped thinking in Tweets. I stopped knowing what tracks were “dropping” soon. I stopped caring about what producers were saying was their favourite studio beverage. I became scared of checking my Soundcloud account because it had been so long since I last did so I was sure fifteen genres had been invented since my last login and I might get laughed out of our Solar System for not knowing about things first anymore.

Somebody told me about Justin Timberlake's new single with Jay-Z. Somebody had to tell me about it and I had to genuinely say “oh, really?”. I am not myself.

I now have a new computer and I don't know what to do with it. I have forgotten everything I knew before. In fact it is much worse than that because I actually know less than I did before about music because during my Amish holiday I only listened to records and most of those are by Killing Joke and The Cult and INXS.

I can't stay in this slump forever though. My four tumblr followers need me. I must get back on my synthy rollerblades of freelance rejcection and glide wobbily onto the bassy promenade of self-regarding, 'serious' dance music.

If I don't write something about someone soon, somebody else will do it.

That just about sums up my worries. Now. Isn't that a motivating way to sum up the life of a freelance music journalist?
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